I can close my eyes and make it go away.

Wed, 26 Jul 2006 02:32:27 GMT

I got a new journal.
dark_response

Comment to be added for it is Friend's Only.

<3

</span>

Yay.

Thu, 06 Jul 2006 01:44:32 GMT

I'm so happy.

Its offical, were going to be giving Dayna around 100 - 150$
Were not going to transfer it to them, were going to send it in the mail.
I hope thats okay with you, if not just call us.

My dad is getting paid tomorrow so we have money to spare.
If you guys need anything else just ask. <3
Were always willing to help you out.

In other news, I started my first day of summer school today.
I saw Ms.Hart and it went really well.
I met this little kid named Robert who plays Tales of Symphonia so thats a plus too.

I also have some pictures.
I haven't posted any in awhile so I thought I would.

Amy - From Sonic - By Christine.

Little comic - By Christine.

Sonic OC - By Christine.

Cybil - By me. x_x;

The kids.

Me.

So...Thats it.

"Are you stupid, Sheena?"

Mon, 03 Jul 2006 21:03:43 GMT

Sorry I haven't updated for awhile.

Anyway, my dad is back home, he's definently better then before.
I think things will be alright for the time being.

I've been busy playing Tales of Symphonia.
Me and Christine and getting re-obsessed.
I'm trying to get her obsessed with Kratos again.
Her Sonic obsessed frightens me.

I've been writing so, so, so, much lately.
I'll post something here when I improve.

I took the hard path for Tales of Symphonia so I got a ton of extra scenes with Sheena.
Its awesome.
I just beat Magnius.

God that guy is weird.

I must say, I'm very worried about my little Dayna.
Things at home aren't going too well for her.
I wish could do something about it, but alas, we live in diffrent countries.

Mmm. I'ma gonnan goo see if Jay is on.

See ya.

Wed, 28 Jun 2006 00:18:21 GMT

It finally happened.

I was finally forced to call the police on my father.

Joy.

He was screaming at my mom and told her to kill herself.
He went outside, we locked him out and he tried to get back inside.
I got scared and called 9-11.

My granfather wants my mom to get a devoirce.
Good. I hope that bastard dies.
My father has treated us like shit for far too long.

I feel bad for my brother though.
He's really confused about all this.
For some reason though, I'm not upset about this at all.
I'm actually happy.

My mom can finally fully understand that its going to keep getting worse.
I hate to say it, but I can't believe he hasn't hit her yet with that temper of his.
Though there was one time when he threw a table at her.

But...Thats a whole diffrent story.

Its not like I want them to get a devoirce. I sorta don't I guess.
But I want him to get some sort of help.
He needs some sort of consuling.

Hopefully now He'll get it.

And in another story.
I totally owned Lamango today.

Lamango102: Got any nekkid pics?

Lamango102: :3

belle rokoko: You sih.

belle rokoko: wish*

belle rokoko: XD

belle rokoko: Anyway. That would be child porn. Thats BAD.

Lamango102: Nah.

Lamango102: You're almost my age.

Lamango102: ^^

belle rokoko: Doesn't matter. Still illegal.

Lamango102: Nah.

Lamango102: Not in Boston.

Lamango102: ^^

belle rokoko: ...Uh. No. Give me factual proof.

Lamango102: I'm above the law, bitch!

belle rokoko: No one is above the law.

Lamango102: I'M THE SECOND SON OF GOD!

belle rokoko: Tha'd be awesome. But the bible doesn't say "Thy shall strip naked for Jesus."

Lamango102: I'm not jesus, idiot.

Lamango102: T.T;

belle rokoko: Whatev, panda bear.

Lamango102: ::Pulls down yer pants!::

belle rokoko: o_o; -MALE.-

Lamango102: O_O;

belle rokoko: -Pelvic thrust.-

Lamango102: ::Turns you female.::

belle rokoko: -Can't because thats totally not going to happen and you know you like it up the ass.-

Lamango102: No I kinda don't.

belle rokoko: Oh. So you like to give it up the ass?

Lamango102: On girls yes.

belle rokoko: Heh. Right.

Lamango102: Belive what you want, dyke.

belle rokoko: Hey. At least I'm getting some.

Lamango102: I'm not a virgin anymore.

Lamango102: Retard.

belle rokoko: Mmhmm.

belle rokoko: Cybering doesn't count, sweetie.

Lamango102: It wasn't cybering, dearest.

belle rokoko: Necrophilla then?

Lamango102: Nope.

Lamango102: Keep guessing, rape-bait.

belle rokoko: Well then. It must of been a dare. If I'm wrong on that, I can't think of anything else.

Lamango102: Wrong.

Lamango102: ^^

belle rokoko: Oooh. I'm stuck then.

Lamango102: A girl and I fucked.

Lamango102: All there is to it.

Lamango102: ^^

belle rokoko: Wow. How epic.

Lamango102: I did her in every hole too.

belle rokoko: Your mother must of enjoyed that.

Lamango102: Hahaha.

Lamango102: So original.

Lamango102: And gay.

Lamango102: Like you.

belle rokoko: Mmm. Sad you have to resort to calling me gay. Is that the best you can think up?

Lamango102: The best you could come up with was a mom joke.

Lamango102: I wouldn't be talking.

belle rokoko: Yes. I suppose were even there.

Him and my father are both idiots.

Fri, 23 Jun 2006 16:37:31 GMT

Eh. We ended up not going to gamestop. My mom threw up and...ugh. x_x;
Well, anyway, she's better now thankfully, and I didn't catch what she had.

I'm proud of my immune system.

I've been writing alot lately. My writing journal is already like...2 sections long and I've had it for a about a week.

I'm talking to Karria right now, love that girl.

Oh! Today Dayna is graduating to high-school. I'm so proud. <3

Mon, 19 Jun 2006 21:21:25 GMT

Wow.
Today was the last day of school.
It was really boring though. There wasn't much to do.

Anyway, I'm going to GameStop today! I hope Marc is there. <3

Sun, 18 Jun 2006 19:57:47 GMT

Bah.
Alrighty. So tomorrow is the last day of school.
Wow. I'm planning on picking alot of roses for Ms.Hart, I love her dearly. Its the least I could do after all the work she's done for me.
I'll get something for Ms.Toomey and Ms.Dillion as well.

Mmm. And, I forgot to post those rose pictures last time I posted.
Here they are.

Those are all roses from the Elizibeth Park.

Heres just one my mom took at home that I thought was really nice.

<3 Fidgit is so cute.

Now I must be off, I have to take my brother to a yard-sale.
Bye. <3

Sat, 17 Jun 2006 19:58:37 GMT

I'm most likely not going to send it. I might show Ms.Hart though.

I’ll most likely be too cowardly to send this letter. But there are a few things I need to get clear about what has happened in this past year.

Now, unlike what most think, this anxiety is not self-induced. I can assure you of that. I am not trying to manipulate people in letting me stay home from school so I can sit home and play videos games. I also want to make it clear I have nothing against any of you. I understand that it’s your job and that you did what you had to do. I can understand and accept that. I just didn’t understand your methods that you used to try and ‘help’ me.

Multiple times I was denied when I asked if I could see Ms.Hart or Ms.Krol.

This was one of the major reasons I was late so often. When I have anxiety attacks I NEED to be able to move freely and talk to someone. Otherwise it just escalates more and more.

Sometimes my times to visit with Ms.Hart or Ms.Krol were skipped completely.

I also want to say most of you were wrong when you said I could control my anxiety if needed. If that was really the truth, don’t you think I would do it every time I had a panic attack? I’m sorry, but when you say that it makes it sound like you think I’m crying out for attention. That really frustrates and angers me. Now, I know your going to say “Well you did it in the hospital” Yes. I’m aware of that. I don’t know why I did not have much anxiety there. If I knew, I would tell you right away.

Also, it really annoyed me when you people say “I know how it feels.” Guess what? You don’t. I’m aware most of you have experienced anxiety before, but everyone’s anxiety is different. So thus, different treatments are made. I did not benefit from being ignored when I had panic attacks in class. I did not benefit from being denied to talk to a consular. I know we had the rule of “Oh, you’ll see Ms.Hart at ten thirty” and all that. But when you have a panic attack so severe like that, rules and agreements just don’t matter.

You want help and you’ll do anything to get it.

I’m sure most of you will agree with the fact that it’s un-normal for me to disobey a teacher, or leave the class without permission, and nag consistently. This is an example. When I have panic attacks I just don’t care. I don’t like disobeying teachers. I love my teachers and I would never want to anger any of them if I could prevent it and I hope you know that.

Now I’m going to restate that I have nothing against any of you. I respect and thank you for all the work and trouble you have gone through because of me. I just needed to get that out in the open.

Sat, 17 Jun 2006 02:56:04 GMT

I just made a journal for my writing.
I'll post the link up later with the pictures of the roses I took.
I have this weekend and monday for half a day and school is out for the summer.
Its all happend so fast. xD

Anyway, June 14th was me and Dayna's anniversary of meeting. I called her and we celebrated.

Oh. Did I mention I compleated my goal of getting the Maria ending? I probably have.

Well, I'm off.

Sun, 11 Jun 2006 02:54:40 GMT

Going to Connecticut tomorrow to see roses.
I'll take pictures.
Yay.

Sat, 10 Jun 2006 17:20:32 GMT

This song reminds me of Christine, Dayna, Sara and I. o_o;

I'm in the wars
Can't speak for crying
Close all the doors
Since I am dying
Pick up the phone
Attempt to call her
I'm all alone
Until she answers

Momentarily she brings peace to me
Momentarily she brings peace to me

She barely speaks
But I hear her breathing
That's all I need
Someone who's listening
And still she stays
Her time is precious
Until I am safe
She gives her presence

Momentarily she brings peace to me
Momentarily she brings peace to me
Momentarily she brings peace to me
Momentarily she brings peace to me

Butterflies

We've been to the top, we've been to the bottom
We've known everything and forgotten, yeah

You've kicked me around, you've wrapped me in cotton
You've carried our load and you've shot them

Oh yes the butterflies are still there
Oh yes the butterflies are still there

We've argued by the baggage claim
We've accepted and we've laid blame
We've drank Sangthip in monsoonal rain
We've felt separate and we've felt the same

Oh yes the butterflies are still there
Oh yes the butterflies are still there
Oh yes the butterflies are still there
Oh yes the butterflies are still there

We've shared joy and we've shared pain
We've shared guilt and we've shared shame
We've bought into teh stupid games
We've freed each offer and we laid claim

Oh yes the butterflies are still there
Oh yes the butterflies are still there
Oh yes the butterflies are still there
Oh yes the butterflies are still there

Because we came from the same cocoon

Love it. <3

Fri, 09 Jun 2006 23:23:06 GMT

I wrote a gay poem-type-thing. xD

I watch you spin around the fire.

And I’ve never seen anything more beautiful.

The rain comes and you come caving down.

I think the world, it spins for you.

We will count the stars and exclude the moon.

I long to be, alone with you.

I haven’t even said a word, yet you’ve broken my heart.

Wouldn’t it be so nice?

And I am still sleeping against the breeze

I think the world, it spins for you.

We will count the stars and exclude the moon.

Maybe…Someday, we’ll be there again.

Walter/Alessa much? x_x;

Oh. Yeah. Mooneyka came over today.
Such a sweet kid.
We went out for ice-cream. <3
I got pictures too! :3

Mooneyka. <3

Me looking high. o_o;

Maria! :3

Me looking high again.

Mooneyka again.

You can tell by this time I'm obsessed with staring at myself, huh?

Yeah. Thats it.

Fun, fun. <3
Were going on a searching spree for Silent Hill 3 next week.
can't wait.

Thu, 08 Jun 2006 19:09:20 GMT

I've been working on this for...like a week.

Are you such a dreamer, to tear the world in two?

Walter wouldn’t stand for this.

There was only one way out.

And Walter would surely never let HIM out.

Because…

PENITRATION.

No one would ever believe him.

No, no, chosen one, you’re the perfect one, you’re the indifferent one.

You’ll never sin, ever, ever, ever.

Fly, fly.

All hail to the priest, all hail to the priest, YOUR MINE.

Don’t question my authority; the sky is falling-BUT ITS MINE!

Henry remembered going to church when he was little.

He remembered a man with a white collar named Jim.

Henry didn’t like him.

“Jesus loves you, Henry.”

“…Then why did he let daddy die?”

“…”

God was non-existent.

During the process of his early childhood, that fact was becoming exceptionally clear.

OH ANGELS.

Oh god, oh god there was a wolf at the door.

Drag out your dead!

Singing out the myths out pops the devil.

Don’t you fucking dare.

Let me back, let me back, I promise to be good!

“SOMEONE CALL THE DOCTOR!”

The red devil comes and tells me all the ways he’s going to mess me up.

And the bright white, blue and red lights came splashing, splashing out into his vision.

Then he knew.

THEN HE KNEW!

GOD WAS THERE!

Mama?

Where are you?

I don’t want you to leave.

Why are you leaving me, Mama?

Why can’t I see Daddy’s face?

DADDY’SFACEISCOVERED

COVEREDBYAMASKICANNOTSEETHROUGH.

OHMAMAHELPME!

Sometimes, a man named Jimmy would tell him the story about his Mother.

And how she had gone to heaven.

Walter didn’t like this story.

He didn’t want Mommy to be in heaven.

He wanted her HERE.

Did she love someone in heaven more then him?

Sometimes Alessa would tell him not to listen.

Walter loved, Lady Alessa.

Sometimes it’s bad.

Maybe later, you will see the truth.

IF ONLY

Creeping rabbits hopping along the narrow path with blood-stained paws and organs hanging out of their sides.

Claudia ate Alessa…

And smiled.

We wait in hope for the day, when the path to paradise shall be opened.

Thu, 08 Jun 2006 18:55:02 GMT

I'm obsessing over Silent Hill music now. Someone kill me now.

He spoke of tortured souls
So outrageous the toll
You can lose all you have
He refused to give in to the town that takes all
Survive, you must have the will
This movie doesn't end the way we want all the time
Then he shouts at the moon
She's gone, and fear has overcome
He was walking the mile, he was walking alone

So outrageous the toll
You can lose all you have
He refused to give in to the town that takes all
Survive, you must have the will
This movie doesn't end the way we want all the time
Then he shouts at the moon
She's gone, and fear has overcome
He was walking the mile, he was walking alone

Four and twenty deadbirds, they bleed upon the nest
There was no time for reason, they had no sign of a threat
Now it's too late, too late for me
This town will eventually take me
Too late, too late for me
This town will win

(spoken)
Through this fog they come along
Dark creatures singing a terrible song
The rest of the bar laughed at him
Only I felt my hope grow dim
They found him dead the very next day
"No more stories from him," I heard them say
We blamed bad luck for his fate
Only I felt terror so great

She and he will know
that someday all things will end

That misty night
That dismal moon
The dead search for their kin
While angels sing, in endless dark
The dead seek out sin.

Yeah.
My tooth is killing me.
I need to go to the dentist.
My mom made an appointment for next thursday.
x_x; They're gonna put me to sleep to do the work.
I hate that.
But at least I won't feel anything.

All hail to the theif, all hail to the theif!

Wed, 07 Jun 2006 19:05:04 GMT

Yeah. I'm now minutes away from starting my new goal. The...'Maria' ending of Silent Hill 2. My god. My obsession with this game is becoming increasingly unhealthy.

I freaking recite lines from the game in school. o_o;

My brother is gonna help me out this time.
He's starting to get into the game too.
He likes Angela and Eddie. <3

Anyway. I must be off. The time of reckoning is near.

Tue, 06 Jun 2006 16:46:25 GMT

At school...Dying of boredom. ._.

Tue, 06 Jun 2006 11:43:36 GMT

I totally achieved my goal last night.
And I have to say, James is freaking creepy in the 'Rebirth' ending.
Next up, is the Maria ending. <3

Mon, 05 Jun 2006 01:19:11 GMT

Bah. I adore Tindersticks. Such a good band. <3

Oh. I took some pictures today. <3

Yay.

Sun, 04 Jun 2006 13:16:28 GMT

Holy crap. I actually finished a peice of fiction that I've been working on for the past three days.

I thought I would never finish it.

Cybil never wanted to die.

Round and round…

He’s coming now.

Alessa smiled at Cheryl, and took hold of her hand.

“See? We’ll get to see daddy soon.”

Hanging limply on the plastic horse, she went round and round and round.

It started to rain.

Untill she looked up that is.

Cybil never meant any harm.

Especially when it came to him.

She couldn’t help but feel relived when he shot her.

BRING THEM BACK HOME.

YOU SAID THAT YOU WOULD BRING THEM BACK HOME.

"Nothing will stop us now. Claudia, the time is near! Your sister shall soon be reborn!”

Claudia fell to her knees and cried.

“What are you doing?”

“Waiting for the worms to come…”

Let me hold you in my arms…

“Why do you have to leave me…?”

“Harry…Go find your daughter.”

“Don’t go…There has to be a way…”

“Your crazy, Harry. Save her.”

“Cybil…”

What has become of you?

“Will you help me carry the stars?”

“Of course.”

“Will you ever break my heart?”

“No.”

“Will you take me home?”

“…”

GOOD-BYE CRUEL WORLD, ITS OVER.

‘Remember how she said we would meet again?’

x_x; My obsession with the stream-of-conciseness type fics are really starting to get annoying, huh?

I have a strong urge to write one about Alessa and Walter, though.
Anywho. Enough of that.

I'm off to go read Knick-Knack's Silent Hill 2 comic. <3

Sat, 03 Jun 2006 22:06:09 GMT

I really need to start writing more often. I have so many ideas but I can never have the time (Or patience...) to write them down.

Ah. And, I must say, my Silent Hill obsession is starting to rapidly increase. Hell, I'm even thinking about buying a PSP (Don't hit me Christine.) so I can play the new game thats coming out for it.

Ooh. And in three days in will be 6-6-06. Creepy huh?
I'm not much for religion. But its so funny when you tell the obsessive Christains that the day is coming up. Its fun to see then squirm.

I met the sweetest ~~little~~ girl a few months ago. XD We haven't really connected until recently though. Shes 13 years old. I'm a bit older then her, anyway, she looks about ten. Shes sooo skinny.

She said she was 70 pounds. O_o; My 9 year old brother weighs more then her. o_o;

Her name is Moonyka...or...something like that.
She might be coming over to swim in our pool next saturday.

Anyway. My goal for Silent Hill 2 is going smoothly.
I already got two objects (The white chasim, and the book of lost memories.) that help you get the rebirth ending. <3 I cannot wait to beat it again. I'm in the hospital right now. x_x; Gah. I hate that part.

I can't wait to get to the Historical Society though. <3

Anyway, I'm tired, I have to call Christine, and I have to change the layout on this journal.

Adios. <3

Fri, 02 Jun 2006 21:52:55 GMT

Yeah...

I'm still alive. I've just been reeeeally busy with school lately.

Turns out...I'm not passing.

X_x;

Oh well. It could be worse.

Silent Hill dolls & a goal.

Tue, 23 May 2006 18:50:49 GMT

Eileen. <3

Henry of course. :3

Mary.

Angela. I love her. She's sooo cute. <3

And last, but not least, James. He turned out kinda...crappy.

Anyway, I have a goal. To get the 'Rebirth' ending in Silent Hill 2. <3
I'm pretty sure thats the real ending.
Or, at least thats what I think.

They updated 'Noisey Hill.' Is it just me, or do they keep getting less funnier?
Anyway, we have practice MCAS tomorrow. Joy.

Thu, 18 May 2006 16:51:28 GMT

ANGELA HATED IT WHEN HE PUSHED HER.

PUSHED HER DOWN.

DOWN.

Dad went out to get the shotgun.

It doesn’t matter.

His look is already enough to kill you.

SHE WAS FACE DOWN ON THE PAVEMENT.

CHALK OUTLINED HER LITTLE HANDS.

HIT AND RUN.

Fire didn’t scare Angela anymore.

It used to scare her so much.

Sometimes, when she was a bad girl,

Daddy would burn her with the fire.

He said she was a sinner.

But that was a long time ago.

She hid from him in closet once.

He had found her not too long later.

OH MY GOD. HIS EYES.

His eyes were so, so cold.

Just looking at them, she was cold.

She shut her eyes tightly.

AND SHE SAW.

She saw Antarctica.

She saw herself.

She was in daddy’s eyes

There were penguins and polar bears and the snow NEVER stopped falling.

She lived in an igloo with her big brother and her mommy.

Daddy wasn’t allowed inside the igloo.

He slept outside with the other animals.

He complained, he said he wanted to go inside and be warm.

“YOUR RIGHT THOMAS. SINNERS SHOULD BE WARM.”

Angela agreed with the voice.

So she lit daddy on fire.

Daddy was black now.

Black and charred.

Angela had laughed at the irony.

Daddy never liked black people.

BUT THEN SHE WOKE UP AND SAW THAT IT WAS ALL A DREAM.

DADDY WASN’T BLACK AND CHARRED ANYMORE. HE WAS AT THE ENTRANCE OF THE CLOSET.

REACHING.

REACHING OUT FOR HER.

Angela was a whore.

A dirty, sinful, whore.

At least that’s what daddy would say.

Then he would tell her he loved her and take her into the closet.

She didn’t like the closet.

She never liked to talk about what daddy did there.

He would tell her that she looked like her mother.

Angela didn’t understand. Mommy didn’t have brown eyes

Sometimes mommy and daddy would take her and her brother to church.

She liked church.

No one fought there.

The nice old man with the white collar…

She could faintly remember her brother calling him ‘Pastor.’

But that didn’t matter.

He had told her people loved her at church.

Jesus loved her.

Angela didn’t like that.

She wanted to set the priest on fire, like she did to daddy when she lived in his eyes.

Angela didn’t understand, if Jesus loved her then why did he let daddy hurt her so much?

She had a dream that night.

Jesus was there.

He bent down to her level.

Angela reached up, and thrust her hand forward into his eye.

She threw her head back and laughed.

Jesus didn’t respond.

Angela didn’t like that either.

She stopped laughing.

She tried to talk, but when she did, all the sound she let out was static.

Screeching static.

She closed her mouth.

The static stopped.

She looked down at Jesus’ eye.

She wondered if anyone had ever lived there before.

Angela liked living in people’s eyes.

It didn’t hurt there.

Erm...A little disturbing, but it was fun writing. XD

Oh god. I finally beat it.

Thu, 18 May 2006 13:05:29 GMT

I beat Silent Hill 2 last night.
God, it was a wonderful game. <3
I got the 'In Water' ending. Poor James.
I had alot of fun with it, but personally, I thought the bosses were a little too...easy.
But other then that, I have to say overall, the game was genius.
It had one of the most amazing, intricate plots I have ever seen in my life.
If your looking for a horror/psychological-thriller, Silent Hill 2, in my opinion, would be your best choice.

Wed, 17 May 2006 19:12:20 GMT

This is crazy.
Aomi showed it to me. Isn't that insane?
I feel bad for the poor parents. D: